Fur In The Paint

Last week upon returning from the art fair I popped out the next day to restock the house with sustenance. Still exhausted from a weekend of hard manual labor and sweltering heat and humidity, I was much too tired in the morning to cook my usual breakfast of a veggie hash with fat free ham and fruit. So I settle for a bread roll . . . plain, and prepare for a day of shopping. (Note: not a good diabetic breakfast, at all.)

About 4 o’clock I’m feelin’ a bit peckish (because all I’ve had is that roll for the past 8 hours) and so I head over to a common fast food stop. Since this is derogatory post, I won’t mention it by name. Let’s just call it Kenlucky Freed Chuckwagon, or KFC for short. (I could totally write code for the government.)

Now I should say that I am primarily a diet controlled diabetic, meaning that I don’t take insulin and so therefor I don’t have to worry about coma or anything from my low blood sugar. The worst thing that will happen if I starve for a day is that I’ll get cranky. Occasionally really, really cranky. (Yeah I know, surprising huh? I bet ya’ll thought I’m all unicorns and rainbows all the time.)

So I order and sit down and wait. I tend to be a very patient person in general. But in this instance perhaps I should have acted just a little more quickly. It took me until somewhere around the 12th customer who came after me and got fed, before I get up. By now I’m feelin’s some serious cranky come’n on.

Me: Goes to counter which takes a minute or so to get a cashier because some off-duty workers come in and are chatting with those on duty. I make eye contact with one and say, “So where’s my food?”

KFC: Huh?

Me: “I’ve been waiting for a long time and about a dozen people have gotten their food. What’s the hold up?”

KFC “Uh,” Turns to kitchen “Where’s this lady’s order?” Mumbling and a lot of shrugging occurs.

Me: “It’s been like 15 minutes” Crankier and crankier.

KFC: “We need to see your receipt.”

Me: Presents receipt with a bit more of a dramatic flourish than was necessarily warranted. All the while wondering to self if they are aware of the beast in me emerging like a Werewolf in a full moon.

KFC: Looks through computer log in state of confusion. Chaos ensues for an additional minute or two.

Me: Seeing that no one is planning on just filling my order, but rather are intent on figuring out the mystery of it all. I say “Just give me my money back.” Said really low in a threatening growl. (The rabid wolf is just barely restrained from lunging over the counter.) At this point I realize my attitude is is exceeding the severity of the situation. But for some reason I can’t quite rein it in.

KFC: cashier disappears into kitchen and fails to return. (Perhaps to find some silver bullets) A minute later another server appears and begins to refund my money.

Me: “I did get my soda so just refund the other stuff” By now I’m feelin’ incredibly stabby because nobody has once offered an apology for the problem. I didn’t need them on their knees begging, just a polite statement saying they regret my inconvenience.

KFC: Avoids eye contact (which is probably for the best because I am shooting him daggers with my eyes) Hands me my money and promptly dashes away without a single word uttered at all. Customer appears to my right.

Them: “Um . . . we didn’t order this.” Looks sideways at me and offers a small smile. Yup my long lost lunch. They stuck it in with someone else’s.

KFC: Takes tray from customer and holds it out in my general direction like “Here you go. Whew crisis diverted.”

ME: Looking incredulous.

KFC: Seeing that I am apparently not grasping the simplicity of her body language says. “Do you want this?”

Me: I remain verbally silent But look at her like “Seriously? It’s been setting out for over 15 minutes and someone else has handled it. are you dim or something” All the while my mind was pondering the various ways I could commit murder with the plastic cutlery at hand. Eventually I settle on the spork as my weapon of choice. (Oh yeah, I’m a great multi-tasker.)

KFC: “Well What should I do with this?”

Me: (I know right? What an invitation) Proof that I hadn’t completely shifted over into kill mode meant that I just turned around and walked out silently, while she still held the tray in my general direction.

The Happy Ending
I then go to Hardees. A place I pretty much never eat. The cashier guy was incredibly friendly and helpful. So much so I was wondering if he was hitting on me, or perhaps he’s just skilled with rangling Werewolves. At his suggestion I tried their hand-breaded chicken strips with beer battered onions rings . . . and it was heavenly.

I noticed when I first took my food I was a little shaky. More so I think from my barely averted spork killing spree than low blood sugar. But upon leaving Hardees I was almost back to being all unicorns and rainbows.

Almost.

Driving away, I glance down to my glovebox, secure in the knowledge that hidden somewhere in it’s depths, is a shiny, new plastic-wrapped spork.

NOTE: I understand that my reaction (and by reaction I mean rage) was a bit more than it should have been. Tired from the weekend’s event and not having eaten all day pushed me over the edge. I have worked in the fast food industry when I was in college and I know it’s not exactly a thrilling job. But still, I did not yell or scream (despite really really wanting to) so I am surprised at the lack of customer service on their end. Perhaps they were just crappy servers. Or perhaps I wasn’t controlling the crazy as well as I thought. Most likely it was a little of both.

Next is my long awaited rhino piece. (NOTE: This isn’t my reference photo.) That is if I can get a drawing I like done today. I had something else scheduled for painting but haven’t heard from the client so the rhino it is.

For some crazy reason (sometimes I have a hard time saying no) I agreed to do an equine portrait with a deadline of October. The client was quite eager and she assured this mare was a most beautiful mare, with the most beautiful eyes ever.. Yeah, I’m a sucker for a pair of beautiful eyes. But despite the client saying she would contact me in a couple of days to schedule me coming out to the farm or her trailering to my gallery for a photo op (the fact that she was willing to trailer the horse is why I took her desire seriously) I’ve not heard from her in a couple of weeks.

I have a small fear that she’ll call in a week or two wanting the painting done with the same time line. um . . . I will get over my inability to say no. it’s too late for that. If she’s still really serious maybe we can work something out by Christmas. But with my schedule even that may be a bit of a stretch.

Back to the good stuff. Yup I’m gonna do my rhino on suede but I plan on trying the Neocolor ll on it and see what happens.

So last night was the final episode to the reality art competition show. Honestly it was far more interesting than all the other episodes combined. It was nice to see the artists being able to create their own art, instead of trying to make it fit some sort of crazy challenge.

Miles’s (aka OCD guy) show revolved around some cellular phone photos taken from a white castle surveillance video. Then he added pixellation and enlarged to a point where they become abstract patterns. He displayed artwork from beginning to end of this process. Kinda his usual schtick of creating a simple pattern through a very complex set of steps. He tried to sell it by personalizing the work, telling a story about a homeless person who froze to death 3 days after he photographed him. This is tragic, but it was not what the work was about despite the one judge making that leap for Miles saying it was. Miles’s work here was like all his work in the past. It was about process. There’s nothing at all wrong with that until you try to sell it as something else. Like something about humanity and death. Despite the usual favoritism for Miles’s work, he was at the bottom of the three for ranking at the end of the exhibit.

Peregrin’s show was set with a carnival theme complete with sideshow. She created a lot of wax figures, heads, frames and horses. She used some Breyer models to cast some horses which is definitely questionable and I’m sure Breyer would take serious offense at. Her showing was both light hearted and bizarre. Her premiere piece was a photo of a taxidermy of twin unborn fawns. Again this strikes me that she wasn’t actually creating by doing this, but the judges ate it all up. They thought her fabulous and much like in previous shows when they threw accolades at her . . . well, I just can’t grasp why. Apparently her art is way about my intellectual level.

Abdi’s show was set around figures of himself. He did life sized sculpturess of figures and placed them on the floor, and paintings and altered photos on the walls. It was quite impressive.

I have felt like this guy is genius. He took on the various challenges and for the most part created unique and wonderful art that was all over the map. Meaning painting, drawing and sculpture, all done really well. One of the judges clearly does not like him and said as much during the show (paraphrasing) “I threw everything at this guy to get him off the show” But in the end he’ the guy that won.

And I’m thrilled because it reaffirms that the system still kinda works despite all the “smarter than thou” airs and floating around on the show.

Congratulations Abid! Now if only they’d create one more episode showing his solo exhibition at the Boston Museum Of Art. That would really be TV worth watching.

For previous commentary on the past episodes see below.
Lessons I’ve learned (so far) from that Work Of Art Reality Show: Part 1
Lessons I’ve learned (so far) from that Work Of Art Reality Show: Part 2
Lessons I’ve learned (so far) from that Work Of Art Reality Show: Part 3

EVENT LOCATION: Loring Park, St Paul MN For a complete overview of this event please visit my previous post about Loring Park. Not much has changed except I didn’t see anything resembling craft and they no longer do the free t-shirt thing.

How It Went
Well I have to say all in all it was really bad. I have done Loring Park now for a couple of years and it has yet to be really good, which is a concept I have a hard time wrapping my head around. It has all the characteristics of being an excellent event.

* Great Park setting. (I mean seriously look at that view)
* Located in a huge city.
* High quality art
* Two other events running at the same time where people get bussed between all the art fairs.

But folks just weren’t buying and not just from me. A quick glance at the constant flow of people walking by showed maybe 1 in 50 held a package. So won’t be going back next year unless I try one more time. Like I said I can’t quite wrap my head around why it’s not working.

It was beastly humid on Sunday but oddly enough I tripled my Sunday sales (which sounds like something butg three times not much is still not much) over my Saturday sales, despite Saturday being a much nicer day.

I’m not bummed or anything just slightly confused as to why. I do enough events that a bad one here or there has no real impact on my emotions. I am however looking forward to the next 3 weekends being art fair free. Whoohoo!

I got in late last night and imagine my surprise to find what the response was (both on and off the blog) to my crop circle post. Okay guys I never in a million years thought you’d think I was serious about the whole crop circle thing. But since my faithful bloggy folk (who know me to be beyond silly at times with any subject other than art) thought I was serious, what will those in Google-land think.

So I updated the crop circle post. I had originally drawn a more detailed rendition (Image right) of my crop circle over view but Mike thought it too obvious. So I simplified. (Um . . . yeah that’s right. It’s totally all his fault.)

The Blue Ribbon goes to Joan for recognizing a horse from it though. I thought my drawing was the give away that I was spoofing. So, well . . . sorry. Sometimes my need for amusement outweigh my better sense. I can’t say it won’t happen again because it probably will. I’ll try to include some sort of disclaimer though.

To be clear I don’t believe aliens have been in my pasture. Ghosts maybe but not aliens. (kidding just kidding.)

NOTE: None of these photos have been altered in any way except for color enhancement or image cropping.

So I was mowing my horse’s electric fenceline the other day. It has been raining so much the pasture is unbelievably thick and quite tall. Normally this time of year we need to rotate alot because it’s usually eaten a little more thin. Anywho I’m mowing along and I’m like “Whaaa????” (A crop circle. Maybe 10 to 15 foot across.) “Here in my pasture! No it can’t be.”

I pull the mower to a stop and think, “How very weird.” But then think “Meh” and continue with my work. A couple of feet later there’s another one.

“Huh!”

By the time I finish the entire pasture circumference, I am aware of dozens of circles and have also noticed trodden trails running between them. It’s hard to see in the photos but the grasses are actually bent in a twisting circular motion.

I know freaky right!?

So the next day I go out for some photo documentation and took measurements of each one. And after hours and hours of research and difficult calculations I come up with a rendering of the overall pattern that I was completely oblivious to while walking or mowing the pasture.

I’m like “Whoa . . .”

I know there are lot’s of theories about how these things form, like wind vortexes, magnetic fields and the paranormal.

I can tell you for a fact that it’s NOT man-made. So if it IS extraterrestrials I wonder what it means?

UPDATED: The answer. That I have a fat red pony who rolls like a weeble and likes sleeping under the stars.

I meant to post this earlier but it has been yet another loooong day. And tonight was my all time favorite reality show Project Runway, which is how all these other creative reality shows like Top Chef, Shear Genius and this one got started. If it weren’t for PR huge success there would be no Work Of Art. Mind you, WOA is no PR.

And I took my crop circle photos today and if I have time before I run off to the event tomorrow morning I’ll post them. Otherwise it will be first thing I do when I get back.

If you want to catch up on Part 1 and 2 of this series just click on the links below.
Lessons I’ve Learned (so far) from that Work Of Art Reality Show: Part 1
Lessons I’ve Learned (so far) from that Work Of Art Reality Show: Part 2

Week 7: This weeks challenge was to create artwork that is reflective of your artistic influence in childhood. Surprisingly this was really difficult for everyone. The piece that won was . . . well I didn’t get it as great art. But then that’s kinda the theme for me and this show.

Lesson Learned: Same as on a previous weeks challenge, create a good enough story and you can sell the idea as art.

Week 8: Another team challenge where they were assigned a theme and had to collaborate, each making their own work as one half of the whole. Male/Female, Order/Chaos and Heaven/Hell. Okay I already didn’t like OCD guy and now he’s really starting to annoy me. I’m sure he thinks he’s being clever or whatever but still. Unfortunately the judges love him. And somehow (divine intervention perhaps) stripper girl pulls Male/Female with Miles (aka OCD guy) So guess what she does? Yeah, I know right.

Lesson Learned: It’s Porn if it’s a photo of a naked woman pleasuring herself. But it’s art if she paints over the photo. Or maybe they’re both art. Or maybe they’re both Porn. Or maybe it makes absolutely no difference if the judging panel is all male and then it’s all a winner. (oh for craps sake!)

Note: So my snarky attitude about stripper girl is softening a bit. I gotta kinda wonder if once she leaves the bubble that she’s currently living in she’ll regret exposing herself this way in public. Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

The judges commented (and by commented I mean mocked) that she had issues. And while I agree I think them holding that 1 million dollar carrot in front of her, rewarding her stripping for every challenge as being a bit twisted. It like berating a hooker for her lifestyle choice after you paid her for services rendered.

Week 9: The challenge is to be inspired by nature. Most everyone gets excited by this challenge but poor stripper girl is completely lost. It’s cold and rainy and she’s just not in the mood to get naked in the woods. So after hours she shoots herself in the bath tub. I think she planned on superimposing herself on a nature photo or something the the other contestants oppose it’s use since it wasn’t done during studio time. (well yeah, duh)

Abdi does a seriously awesome self portrait using crushed stone from the park, charcoal and a pigment binder. I am so hoping he wins the competition just like he won this challenge. He’s been my favorite from the start. Miles does his usual BS and wins judges approval.

Lesson Learned: To be a great artist you need to be more than a one trick pony. (yeah it takes one to know one . . . meaning me. I’m like so how would I represent Heaven? Unicorns cavorting in a field?) Okay back to the show. Stripper girl gets sent home for her forlorn lake photos. I’m guessing putting herself in the water nude would have meant she could have stayed.

NEXT SHOW is the finale. I’m rooting for Abdi but somehow I think it will be Miles.

This event is held in Loring Park in St. Paul MN. It runs Friday and Saturday and I’m booth number 94. So if you’re in the area stop by and say “Hi.”

This is such a visually stunning setting for an art fair it’s a joy to do. This is my 3rd year doing this event. It runs in conjunction with the Uptown which is in Minneapolis, as well as Powderhorn also in Minneapolis. They do a busing thing where people can ride to all three events.

Hopefully the weather holds. At this point there is chance of rain both days. So I imagine at some point I will indeed get rained on.

See you all on the other side. Though if time allows I’ll post tomorrow as well. I’ve seen some unusual circles in my pasture. Hmmm.

As a long time gallery cat, Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month. Or whenever he feels like it. Budda also now has his own lens on Squidoo containing all the cat related questions from this column.

Oh wise and wonderful Budda,
I was wondering if you could explain why my cat Kitty Kisses likes to wake my up by batting at my face every morning hours before sunrise? As long as she has food and water during the night, she ignores me completely after this wake up call.

Thank you,
Rude awakening in Rochester.

Dear Rude Awakening,
The short answer is . . . because it’s funny.

No but seriously, the real reason she does this is . . . umm . . . No . . . You know I’m gonna have to stick with . . . because it’s funny.

Oh great oracle of catnipness…
When my cat scooter (my buddy for over 12 years) licks my arm his tongue is like sandpaper. When he wakes me up by licking my nose his tongue is very soft. Apparently you guys can control your tongue’s roughness? How does that work?

Scooter’s human Nate

Dear Scooter’s Pet, err . . . I meant Scooter’s human,
We cats have several different kinds of licks. I personally have 37 variations. The great Morpheous was said to have 93 subtle variations on licks. But I won’t trouble you with all of that information. Both of your licks fall into the “I Love You” category (as opposed to the “Let Me Taste This” or “Eeeuw somethings on my fur! Get it off! Get it off!”) Within each of these categories are many subcategories.

So the first type of lick we’re talking about here is a “grooming” lick which is something we only do to someone we love. Namely ourselves, but occasionally our humans as well. And the second is “Wake Up And Give Me Something” lick. Also clearly done with love since it’s gentle. Scooter clearly adores you since he licks instead of . . . well slaps you. As for myself and apparently other cats like Kitty Kisses, slapping is a way more enjoyable way to wake people up.

As to the technical aspect we cats have barbed tongues, which I’m sure you already know. By varying the pressure we can adjust the raspy-ness of our licks.

And Now A Few Words From Budda As To Why Spaying Or Neutering IS Important.

My predecessor Oliver the gallery cat, hated children. If someone under 4 foot entered the gallery he hid until they left. I myself don’t mind them too much but have also been forced to flee when things got a little too “touchy feely.”

Some humans have a tendency to let their young run wild. As my human is an artist she has noticed this on more than one occasion during the art fairs she partakes in. Now I’m not talking about the usual snot nosed, sticky fingered thing where parents say “don’t touch” then completely ignore the child as they run amok touching absolutely everything. No, what I speak here are worse offenses . . . by the parents. I have heard stories that would turn me prematurely gray, if I were not already gray.

So here are three to illustrate my point.
The first was just recently at an event where a neighboring artist (a potter) had a beautiful floor vase of about 3 foot tall selling for many hundreds of tins of catfood. An unchecked child with a newly purchased wood sword was whacking it thoroughly enjoying the melodic gonging noises it made. The potter got up and asked the boy nicely if he could see his sword. The child quickly yanks it behinds his back and asks why. The Potter says (also quite nicely), “So I can beat you with it.” The child dashes away presumably to find the protection of his wayward parents.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

Another is not so much a story as an incident, tells of when a parent drops a child in the middle of a booth and says stay here I’ll be back in 10 minutes. Umm . . . what?

And lastly my owner herself had a moment where a young boy wanted a painting for his room. Parents of course said no and left the booth, and the child behind. The pouting boy starts kicking the low hanging painting. As he appeared to have no plans on stopping Mona gets up and goes to his parents who are sitting about 15 feet from the booth facing away hoping that by ignoring their child they wouldn’t have to deal with his tantrum. She says to them (very nicely, though totally seriously) if the boy kicks the painting one more time, they will own it.

So people please understand that an art fair (you know what, let’s make that anywhere that isn’t your own home) is not a free version of daycare. If you have wild kids or . . . well, heck any kind of kids it is your responsibility to keep them in control. The people who say “it takes a village to raise a child” are usually the ones who let them run like savages.
Budda

Note: Some of these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog. And some were posed by readers of this blog. Most of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

Here’s what I’ve got done at the end of today. (Sunday, August 1st. You know deadline day!.)

I’m really down to the tweaking stage and getting their manes not to look so much like bad toupees. The article is written and is also down to the final touches. Whew!

It’s really hard to get this thing to photograph well so here it’s looking a tad washed out.