Coping With The Loss
I woke up this morning and my first sensation was the emptiness and the realization that my Oliver was gone. I have spent the day trying to cope as best I can. Distraction is the key. I spend my time vacillating between Deprivation and Gluttony. Deprivation because if I feel something uncomfortable it takes my mind off the pain of loss. And Gluttony because it is a distraction and the moment I stop, I remember why I really feel so miserable.
Deprivation includes:
- Not eating anything regardless of hunger.
- Feel cold and doing nothing to alter the state of it.
- Feel tired but ignore the urge to sleep. (as I am doing now)
- Avoiding the gallery. I have gone in every day (when not at an artshow) for over 4 years. Today is the first day in all those many years that I have not. And tomorrow will be the second.
Gluttony includes:
- Eating food to fill the void. Mostly this has to be something really desirable or I will prefer to starve.
- Cyber entertainment. PS2 and web surfing (again as I am doing now)
- Watching hour upon hour of vapid and shallow tv programming that has no redeaming value. (TV currently providing background noise. Shallow show on is Janice somebody’s modeling agency.) This worked really well all day until that commercial for the aspca came on with the big eyed puppies and kittens. You know the one with that In the Arms of the Angels song playing in the background. Complete emotional breakdown.