Fur In The Paint

As a long time gallery cat, Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month. Or whenever he feels like it. Budda also now has his own lens on Squidoo containing all the cat related questions from this column.

Oh wise and wonderful Budda,
I was wondering if you could explain why my cat Kitty Kisses likes to wake my up by batting at my face every morning hours before sunrise? As long as she has food and water during the night, she ignores me completely after this wake up call.

Thank you,
Rude awakening in Rochester.

Dear Rude Awakening,
The short answer is . . . because it’s funny.

No but seriously, the real reason she does this is . . . umm . . . No . . . You know I’m gonna have to stick with . . . because it’s funny.

Oh great oracle of catnipness…
When my cat scooter (my buddy for over 12 years) licks my arm his tongue is like sandpaper. When he wakes me up by licking my nose his tongue is very soft. Apparently you guys can control your tongue’s roughness? How does that work?

Scooter’s human Nate

Dear Scooter’s Pet, err . . . I meant Scooter’s human,
We cats have several different kinds of licks. I personally have 37 variations. The great Morpheous was said to have 93 subtle variations on licks. But I won’t trouble you with all of that information. Both of your licks fall into the “I Love You” category (as opposed to the “Let Me Taste This” or “Eeeuw somethings on my fur! Get it off! Get it off!”) Within each of these categories are many subcategories.

So the first type of lick we’re talking about here is a “grooming” lick which is something we only do to someone we love. Namely ourselves, but occasionally our humans as well. And the second is “Wake Up And Give Me Something” lick. Also clearly done with love since it’s gentle. Scooter clearly adores you since he licks instead of . . . well slaps you. As for myself and apparently other cats like Kitty Kisses, slapping is a way more enjoyable way to wake people up.

As to the technical aspect we cats have barbed tongues, which I’m sure you already know. By varying the pressure we can adjust the raspy-ness of our licks.

And Now A Few Words From Budda As To Why Spaying Or Neutering IS Important.

My predecessor Oliver the gallery cat, hated children. If someone under 4 foot entered the gallery he hid until they left. I myself don’t mind them too much but have also been forced to flee when things got a little too “touchy feely.”

Some humans have a tendency to let their young run wild. As my human is an artist she has noticed this on more than one occasion during the art fairs she partakes in. Now I’m not talking about the usual snot nosed, sticky fingered thing where parents say “don’t touch” then completely ignore the child as they run amok touching absolutely everything. No, what I speak here are worse offenses . . . by the parents. I have heard stories that would turn me prematurely gray, if I were not already gray.

So here are three to illustrate my point.
The first was just recently at an event where a neighboring artist (a potter) had a beautiful floor vase of about 3 foot tall selling for many hundreds of tins of catfood. An unchecked child with a newly purchased wood sword was whacking it thoroughly enjoying the melodic gonging noises it made. The potter got up and asked the boy nicely if he could see his sword. The child quickly yanks it behinds his back and asks why. The Potter says (also quite nicely), “So I can beat you with it.” The child dashes away presumably to find the protection of his wayward parents.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

Another is not so much a story as an incident, tells of when a parent drops a child in the middle of a booth and says stay here I’ll be back in 10 minutes. Umm . . . what?

And lastly my owner herself had a moment where a young boy wanted a painting for his room. Parents of course said no and left the booth, and the child behind. The pouting boy starts kicking the low hanging painting. As he appeared to have no plans on stopping Mona gets up and goes to his parents who are sitting about 15 feet from the booth facing away hoping that by ignoring their child they wouldn’t have to deal with his tantrum. She says to them (very nicely, though totally seriously) if the boy kicks the painting one more time, they will own it.

So people please understand that an art fair (you know what, let’s make that anywhere that isn’t your own home) is not a free version of daycare. If you have wild kids or . . . well, heck any kind of kids it is your responsibility to keep them in control. The people who say “it takes a village to raise a child” are usually the ones who let them run like savages.
Budda

Note: Some of these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog. And some were posed by readers of this blog. Most of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

As a long time gallery cat, Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month. He also now has his own lens on Squidoo containing all the cat related questions from this column.

Dear Budda,
I’m new to doing art fairs and I hear your human does quite a few of them. What is the best way to keep my tent grounded.

Signed,
Fear of Flying

Dear Fear of Flying
I can’t tell you how often I get asked this question. The best way is using corkscrew style dog stakes. (yes they are actually good for something besides restraining unruly dogs.) But obviously this only works on grass. For pavement I strongly suggest using HappiFeet. I know some cases where in high winds the HappiFeet tents remained in place while their neighbors’ went . . . as you say, flying.

The good news is my human is currently working on a post about this subject and she’ll provide more in depth information soon.

Best of luck,
Budda

Dear Budda,
I hear you get to be indoors. I envy you, although, since I am black and white, I am not green with envy. Where I live, Bill is black and white in that I bit him and I no longer get to be in the house unless construction people let me in or Louise is really nice to let me in. I really like Bill and I want to purr inside the house and enjoy him, just like I know Mike and Mona enjoy you. Although, I did hear that sometimes when Mona is on the telephone, you make more noise than just purring. But, then, she’s on the telephone, so what does she expect!

So, my question for you is, if you just happened to know a kitty-cat (I’m not asking for myself…I’m asking for a friend) who bit her or his owner because the owner got after the kitty-cat that was naughtily on the kitchen counter, and the kitty-cat wants to get back in the owner’s good graces, what do you think that kitty-cat should do?

I think I like you, but I’m thinking that maybe a long distance relationship would be good for us.You know, to make a spark and keep it alive! (I live with another boy kitty. His name is Sammy and our relationship is purely platonic.)

Yours truly,
Miss Kitty

Well Hello Miss Kitty, (Grrrouw)
Hmm . . . it’s very hard to get in your humans good graces when something of this nature has occurred. I’m sure you were very frightened or something really dreadful must have happened for you to bite one of them. But since cat bites are quite serious I must thoroughly allow that your being able to returned to the life you once lived may not be possible. Mostly I think this depends on the human.

Your best bet is to make yourself as loving as possible. Since the last time you touched your human was less than ideal I would suggest simply sitting a few feet away from him and look at him as loving as possible. When he makes eye contact. Close your eyes and purr audibly. After a few seconds open your eyes and if he is still engaged with you feel free to move cautiously (because some humans spook easily) and accompany the loud purring with a leg rub. This kind of affection make take months to work but if his heart is open it should. If he does not, you will just have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Also it might not hurt to try this technique on your other human. She may just come in to your defense.

As to your affections, I am flattered. Unfortunately a cat in my situation must be ever so careful as I am constantly in the public view. Perhaps correspondences for a few years are in order.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

Affectionately yours, but with reserve,
Budda.

Oh Wise Budda,
Is there a safe paint in which to paint my cats?

Signed,
Wanting Some Colorful Kitties

Dear . . . Left Wanting,
I have kinda already answered this question in a previous Ask The Budda. At that time I said something along the lines of “Please for the love of all that’s Holy, don’t!” But the amount of queries I get on this topic is so shocking that I felt the need to look into it a little further

Apparently there is a whole bunch of folks out there who paint their cats. (sigh) There’s even a couple of books. If you would like to see a few photos from the book and read some rantings both for and against cat painting, check out this site.

As to a cat safe paint, often it is suggested that anything child safe is cat safe. I’m not convinced this is true as cats have bad reactions to many common foods that are harmless to people. I suggest you do some real research on your part before moving forward.

Happy just the way I am,
Budda

Note: Some of these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog. And some were posed by readers of this blog. Most of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

As a long time gallery cat, Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month.

Note: Budda now has his own lens on Squidoo, featuring all the cat related questions from his Ask The Budda column. As well as a smattering of stories about Budda from other posts.

Before moving on to the questions, we have a note from Budda.

Hello,

Love and Cuddles,
The Budda.

Dear Mr Budda,
Why does my kitten follow me around and meow?
Signed, Kitten Conundrum

Dear Kitten Conundrum
Your kitten has just replaced it’s previous cat family with a new one. . . . you. So she wants something, probably attention though it may just be food or play time.

We cats struggle to communicate with humans. My own human is a little slow on the uptake and I find I must repeat myself over and over (and over and over and over . . . and over and over.) And even with all of this she sometimes looks at me and gets cranky. I assume because she just can’t understand me even though I am speaking s-l-o-w-l-y and l-o-u-d-l-y to her as if she is a kitten herself. (and trust me she’s long past being a kitten) So then I take a few minutes and walk the loop or two around the gallery and ponder how I can rephrase my desire and then try again.

So I guess what I’m saying is, your kitten is trying to talk with you using it’s best communication skills. If you still don’t understand, feed her. And if that doesn’t work, pick her and giver her a good cuddle.

For His Exalted Catliness, from Robert S and his daughter Kitten
How do you put an overweight cat on a diet when you’ve also got an underweight cat? And also . . . we’d like to know any dog training tips.

Dear Robert and Kitten,
I personally believe all cats should be a bit on the rotund side, or perhaps all Buddas should be. My human on the other hand keeps me on a diet so as to prevent me from becoming like my good friend Alister who when he stands up his tummy still touches the ground. She does this by feeding out a rationed portion twice a day. Plus a couple of treats that I must run after.

I can see that with two cats this can be hard especially if one is not eating as well as it ought. Alister’s house mate Nigel was as lean as Al was large. Their human fed Nigel a ration at the same time as Al and also free choice at night when Al would have the run of one floor and Nigel the other. I don’t know if this will work in you situation, but the only way to lose weight is to eat less or play harder. Preferably both.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

As to training dogs I tend to think of dogs as existing in a alternate universe. Parallel, but not often intersecting with mine. I firmly believe a dog must earn affection. (unlike cats who should be showered with affection just for agreeing to share their existance with yours.) Rules and boundaries are the order of the day for dogs. and affection is given after it has performed some task like “the sit.” Even for dogs, no punishment, yelling or spanking allowed. (unless they do something really bad like try to kill the cat.) This has worked time and again for my human and she has always had very well trained and respectful dogs that are loving and playful companions.

Dear Mr Budda,
Suppose we can’t touch a cat’s fur, what two clues do we have that it’s soft?
Signed Furry Thoughts

Dear Furry,
This sounds more like a riddle than a question. But let’s see . . .
1. it’s soft because . . . it’s a cat!
2. see number one.

Note: Some of these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog. And some were posed by readers of this blog. Most of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

As a long time gallery cat, Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month.

Dear Mr Budda,
I am planning on decorating for Halloween. How long will Oil Pastel last on the outside of a brick building?
Signed Greasy Bricks.

Dear Greasy Bricks
I don’t actually know, but if it sticks to brick anything like it sticks to the gallery floor, it will last a long, looonnnng time.

Oh great and wise Budda,
Recently a black cat crossed my path. Are black cats really unlucky?
Signed Superstitious in Seattle

Dear Superstitious,
No, black cats are not unlucky. Well . . . not unless you’re the black cat.

I have it on good authority (from a woman who works at one of the top ten animal shelters in the nation) that black cats are far harder to adopt out. Their features aren’t as easy to see but also people have foolish superstitious notions.

I have a proud heritage and come from a long line of distinguished black cats. At one time, my birth farm was almost all black cats (about 13 of them I think.) And just look how lucky my human is. I am pretty sure she thanks her lucky stars everyday for having the gift of me in her life.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

Dear Mr. Budda,
Do dogs and cats believe in an afterlife?
Curious About Kitty

Dear Curious,
Cats do, but dogs don’t. Now I know what your thinking. But before you start judging me as a speciest, I’ll explain why I believe dogs aren’t as self aware as we cats.

Dogs have spent the last thousand years or so becoming “man’s best friend” (I really hate that moniker) through hard work and obedience. All that herding of livestock and retrieving of sticks have left them no time for deep introspective thought. I mean really, they spend all their free time at the feet of their humans waiting for their next command. . . and drooling.

Ummm . . . yeah. . . Anyway, since we cats shun both hard work and obedience, we have a lot of free time to just ponder the mysteries of the universe and our place within it.

Recently L. from Iowa wrote,
I wonder what advice Budda has for an artist to cat-apult to success, and what “success” might mean to Budda.

Dear L,
As I stated in the previous question we cats avoid work at all costs. So success to me is enjoying the simple pleasures in life. A full tummy, a warm spot in the sun and someone to love and be loved in return.

How does a human achieve their own personal artistic goals for success? Bliss through toil baby. Bliss through toil.

Note: these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog as well as reader questions. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

If you want a couple of Halloween stories to tell to your “kitties” here’s a couple of my favorite blog stories about me.

“Boo”dda the Naughty kitten
Tale (or is it tail?) of the Slap Happy Kitty

As a long time gallery cat, Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month.

Dear Mr Budda,
My cat, Miss Priss is always washing herself. If she’s really that dirty shouldn’t I help out by bathing her?
Signed All Washed Up

Dear All Washed Up
No. I suggest you let your cat bathe herself, or else her hair will stick to your tongue, something wicked.

Dear The Budda,
I am an art student and my instructor says that I have kissing issues. Since I’m not sure what that means, how do I avoid kissing?
Signed The Puckered Painter

Dear Puckered,
Well when my human looks like she is about to plant one on the top of my head I usually put my feet on her chin, lock my legs, close my eyes and twist my face away while mentally screaming “No. . . for the love of God, nooooooo!.” and then . . .

Oh wait. I bet your instructor was referring to kissing in the artistic sense.

Kissing as it applies to art is where one object touches (or almost touches) another object or the edge of artwork. In general kissing is seen as a novice mistake but many professional “kiss” intentionally. . . and sometimes not. To avoid kissing simply make any connections between objects (or the edge of the artwork) solid and into said object deeper than it’s edge. As with all rules, first you must learn them before you start breaking them.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

Dear Mr Budda,
I’ve noticed that once a genre’ becomes popular, for instance around here Tuscan scenes and wine bottles are all the rage, it seems that many artists quite doing what they do and start to paint the current trend.

Why do so many artists do this instead of creating work that is true to who they are?
Signed Wide-Eyed Wonderer

Dear Wonderer,
I don’t know why $ome arti$t$ paint the late$t fad. But I re$pect their right to do $o. And $o $hould you.

Note: these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Budda is currently working hard (well, as hard as any cat works) on a special Ask The Budda: Halloween Edition. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

As a long time gallery cat Budda has generously agreed to answers your art and/or cat related questions around the first of every month.

Dear Mr Budda,
I think I am suffering from a creative block. What is it and how can I get over it?
Signed All Stopped Up

Dear Stopped Up,
Creative block is just feeling like you have nothing to say accompanied with the overwhelming urge to say something. My advice is if you have something to say, say it. Otherwise just enjoy the silence.

Dear Mr. Budda,
Why does my cat Sugglebottoms keep shoving his toys under the door. Seriously what’s the point of that? Is there something wrong with him?
Signed Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused,
I don’t know what your talking about. I’m sure those wily toys are simply trying to make a break for it (so they can plot the end of the universe in private) and your cat is heroically trying to stop them. I know my toys are always hiding themselves under rugs, in planters, under the couch and in bags. Toys are way smarter than your giving them credit for, as is your cat.

As always, those of you who are googling for enlightenment . . . this ain’t it.

I suggest you praise your kitty for a job well done and get him more treats! The tender fishy kind, not those hard “good for you but tastes like dirt” kind.

Dear Mr. Budda,
How do I remove paint from cat fur?
Signed Out of Options

Dear Out of Options,
Why are you painting your cat anyway?
Stop it! Stop it right now!

Note: these “questions” were based on search terms that brought people to my blog. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. If anyone has any questions they’d like to submit for Budda’s review, you are all welcome to do so. Just leave a comment here or contact me directly

Okay once again anyone googling for enlightenment, this ain’t it.

Oh . . . and Buddha the spiritual leader, has an ‘h” in it. Budda the lazy gallery cat . . . no “h.”

This happens to be Budda’s favorite way of looking at the world. He prefers to see things upside down. Whenever we pick him up for a cuddle, (in this instance it is Mike my husband doing the holding) this is the position he takes within minutes.

If you wander around the gallery while carrying him like this he reaches out and tries to touch stuff on the way by. We call it the “touch touch” game. (Said with the rolling of eyes) Yeah, I know, how incredibly creative are we.

Relaxation according to Budda

Since we are deep into the holiday season, and most of us are pushed beyond our usual endurance, trying to get everything done and make everyone happy, Budda thought it might be good to give you a few de-stressing tips.

So the first thing you need to do is find someone to help support you. You know, someone who you can rely on not to let you down.

Then you just have to take a deep breath, let go and relax. Thaaaats it. Feel the chi flowing throughout your body. Stretch just a little farther, hold and relax. Can you feel your chakra’s opening?

It is good to note that stretching is excellent for the circulation and the back muscles. To avoid injury, stretching should be done as often as possible before any kind of activity is undertaken . . . including naps.

We’ll end with one of Budda’s favorite quotes (oh yes, he is quite the literary scholar)

“The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.”

-Marcus Aureluis